If you thought, that nothing much happened in Cumbria during the first “lockdown” of 2020 – well think again! Arthur H. Stockwell Ltd of Ilfracombe, in a book entitled The Totally Unforgettable Herdwick War, reveals the astounding saga of two members of the species Ovo bipedus, Yan and Tan Hardwick. These daredevils investigated the mysterious disappearance of King Henry VI of England from Bywell Castle on 15th May, 1464. Using techniques, reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes, they pieced together his fifteen-month magical mystery tour from Northumberland, through Roxburghshire and Cumbria – right up to his capture at Brungerley Bridge outside Clitheroe in Lancashire on 13th July, 1465. All this was accomplished in “Hindenburg III”, a “Diddi-minni-winni-bago” hired by their father, Professor Tethra Hardwick of Wiggonby College on the Solway Plain, from a company owned by Eric Bloodaxe – formally of Trondheim and Jorvik – but now apparently residing in Kirkby Stephen, in the back of beyond of Westmorland. Annony Mouse, the Irony Monger of Wigton Road, Carlisle. 1st January, 2021.